Postal Dude vs Ayano Aishi
Description Postal Dude vs Ayano Ashi is a fan-made death battle made by me, read as you please and judge fairly Introlude Wiz:Phycos, they could be the one stalking you, biding their time for the right time to strike... BoomStick: Or they cpuld just be the one who'll kill you for getting in their way, like Postal Dude, Paradise, Arazona's residential brutal phyco-path. Wiz:And Ayano Ashi, the obsessed Yandere with a blood lust BoomStick: He's wiz and i'm BoomStick Wiz:And it's our job to analyze their weapons armor and skills to fing out who would win a DeathBattle Postal Dude Wiz: the mental state can be a fragile thing, but you can't brake what's already broken, and this man is damaged beyond repair BoomStick: Once apon a time, in a town known as Paradise, Arazona, there lived a man who terrorized the populise, but he was eventualy arrested and he commited suicide in his cell. Damn that's dark. Wiz: But before his demise, he had a son, a son only known as, The Postal Dude The Dude: I hate that f**king name BoomStick: Realy? Postal Dude? common running with siccors, try to be a bit more creative with your characters names Wiz: Naming choices aside, at first he was your average everyday guy trying to get by in life BoomStick: But after getting fired from his job, his wife continusly cheating on him and not giving a shit, terrorists, and his a$$hole uncle dave, he snapped, and after stopping the terrorists and blowing his wife and two cops she was "entertaining" sky-high, he became The Postal Dude we all know and love. Wiz: And then he went back to a normal life of murder, gore... Boomstick:Epic one-liners and weapons Postal Dude: I bet you thought you wernt going to die today, suprise BoomStick: God, this is an awsome Game, how could it get any better, oh, right, A F**K TON OF WEAPONS Wiz:No kidding Melee Weapons Taser Shovel Police baton Machete Sledge Hammer Scythe Frying Pan Fire Axe Meat Clever M@D Baseball Bat Regular Baseball Bat Kuckle Dusters Axe Katana Shears Bali (Basicaly a Butterfly Knife) BoomStick: Sweet mother of Jesus christ Wiz: Thats not even half of his arsenal BoomStick:Wait, What? FireArms Pistol Slingshot M@D Silenced Pistol M@D Colt Glock Revolver Machine Gun SMEG Silenced inagram Sub-Machine Gun Mini-Gun Chainsaw Weed whacker Siccors Rocket Launcher Grenades Napalm Launcher Hunting Rifle M@D Silenced Sniper Ninja Stars Molotov grenade BoomStick: Jeez, ok thats it, I AM BUYING THIS GAME Wiz: Weapons arn't the only thing he's packing BoomStick: oh, right, He's strong enough to kick open locked doors with one kick Wiz: Fast enough to dodge bullets with ease BoomStick: why does he need to be that fast? he's tough enough to tank gun shots and a tazer, and not even flinch Wiz: He also posses telekinesis, being able to pull thrown weapons back towards him, and make siccors bounce from wall to wall, shredding anyone who gets caught in the siccors path(s) BoomStick: And he's skilled enough to fight and kill terrorists and an over the top neiborhood watch with his fists only Wiz: he also has abilities known to players as, cheat codes Cheat Codes Ghost mode: gives postal dude the abilty to walk through walls God mode: postal dude is invincable Body armor:gives him body armor Fly mode: self explanitory Catnip:slows down time, and gives him infrared vistion Slomo: slows down time Headshot mode: one hit kills Wiz: But he does have his flaws, everyone does, for one thing he applies no strategy what-so-ever, he mostly just rushes in guns blazing BoomStick: And he has EXTREMELY bad luck, its like no matter what he does, something's always around to ruin his day, and they die Wiz: But one things for certain, don't mess with The Postal Dude Postal Dude: The gene pool is stagnant, and I am the minister of chlorine Anyano Aishi Wiz: Imagine being thirsty, but never being able to drink. imagine being hungry, but never being able to eat. imagine wanting to feel some thing, but being void of emotion. this is the life anyano ashi a.k.a: Yandere chan BoomStick: Wow....that's.......pretty sad acualy Wiz: But lets not forget she's a yandere, ya know, the phyco anime girls known for the f**ked up $hit they do to people BoomStick: Aaaaaaaaaaand, she lost my sympathy Wiz: Ayano's life was an interesting one indeed BoomStick: born to a yandere mother and a normal father, you can guess who she inhereted her cold, dead, er..... "personality" from Wiz: at a young age, her father payed, who knows how much money on medication and theropy, so his daughter can live a normal life, but his efforts were fruitless, but one day, her mother aproached her and told her that one day, she'll meet the right person, and she will experience emotion BoomStick: if only my mother was that caring Wiz: BoomStick, your mother didn't experience what you were going through to give you advice BoomStick: Still...... Wiz: Ugh, after her father was prepared to give up and accept realality, she felt the first thing in her life, pitty BoomStick: She learned how to fake emotions, and used them to make her father happy, and get bullies who were inconveinencing her off her back Wiz: but one fatful day, she literaly bumped into the special person who made her experience human emotion BoomStick: and she imedietly fell in love Wiz: And she vowed kill everyone who dared to stand in the way of her and her......senpai? Boomstick: And i thought "Postal Dude" was not creative, Who the hell names their kid "Senpai?" Wiz: Ahem, she eliminates her rivals with either carful planning and waiting for the right moment, or rushing in and stabbing people to death BoomStick: at her best, she can lift high school students and carry them over long distances Wiz: The average weight for a high school student is about 130-150 ibs, and she carries them around a large campus without braking a sweat Boomstick: she's at average speed with no club boosts and she's durable enough to take a few whacks to the head, and skilled enough to beat those punks that hang around outside of the school Wiz: she obviusly has weapons, such as her knife, a pair of siccors, a bat, a battery operated buzzsaw, and a katana BoomStick: And she is realy good at getting away with murder, thanks to her mother teaching her how to remove blood resedue, and she realy knows how to plan out a kill, she's smart enough to hack computers, tamper with electrical equipment, and minipulate people like no ones buisness Wiz: And her most powerful abilities, her easter eggs BoomStick: WHERE? Wiz: Not literal easter eggs BoomStick: God damn it Wiz: her ebola easter egg infects and kills any one with in arms length, her cyborg ninja mode turns her into a raiden like warrior, running at 450 mph at most, and can slice people into shreds in under 5 seconds BoomStick: and her three most powerful modes, Bad time mode turns her into sans and gives her all of sans strengths, but her speed remains the same Wiz: Her Captain Falcon mod, which lets her do falcon punches, and one punch mode, which turns her into a simplified verstion of sitama BoomStick: but she far from unstoppable, she is average human level at best, she needs time to stalk her oponents to gather info on them, and she has no formal combat training, and can be easily over-powered by the teachers at her school, japanese teachers require at least basic martial arts training to be a teacher, even in her strongest modes she gets over powered so easily, Wiz: And her sanity seems to be fractured, and the more she causes pain to other living beings, her sanity begins to deture, until she is driven over the edge, and she turns into a sadistic phycopath, and kills her victims slowly and violently. her weaknesses aside, dont get between her and senpai Ayano: Senpai will be mine, he doesn't have a choice BoomStick: creep. Pre-Battle wiz: Alright, the combatents are set, lets end this debate once and for all. BoomStick:IT'S TIME FOR A PCHYCO DEATHBATTLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE DeathBattle It's a clear, sunny day at a japanese school, a teenage girl named Ayano Aishi is stalking the school, plotting a creative way to eliminate osana, then a dude in a police uniforme kicks the doors in Postal Dude: Someone stole my doughnuts, and now you're all gonna pay. A loud gunshot rings out, and osana falls to the ground, a pool of blood forming around her head Postal Dude: Hmmm...... i guess it would be more politically correct to kill the women and minorities first. He snickered and fires his Glock four more times, each of witch killing one of the bullys, Postal Dude blows the smoke out of the barrel of his Glock, then the delinquents rush at the Dude The Dude: Who the hell brings a bat to a gun fight? Postal Dude pulls out his assult rifel and unloads the clip, every one of the delinquents were full of holes, 14 different teachers run at the Postal Dude from all directions, Postal Dude sighs and pulls out a pair of siccors and throws them at a teach and misses, or did he? the siccors bounce from wall to wall faster than any human can keep up with, the teachers are shredded. The Dude: Ok, now this is just getting redundant, time to start the fight before the writer gets any more ideas Postal Dude pulls out his shot gun and litteraly blows senpai's head clean off, ayano stared with no emotion, then, relizing her love was just killed, her blank gaze became rage filled Ayano:YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!!! She drew a knife that she was planning to use on osana, but know it was a tool of her revenge Postal Dude: F**king finally, i've been itching to get this over and done with he descards his police uniform and switches to his iconic trench coat and jeans, he pulls out his bali and flips it open, revealing the sharp blade FIGHT Postal Dude runs at ayano and thrusts his bali at her, she barly dodges to the left and tries to stab him, postal dude grabs her by the wrist with his free hand and kicks her in the stomach, she stumbles holding her belly, she grunts in anger stabs postal dude in the lung, she smirks and backs away, wanting to watch him drown in his own blood, but is shocked when the wound heals, The Dude raises an eyebrow Postal Dude: C'mon, do you realy think a stab in the lung is gonna put me down? Postal Dude throws a pair of siccors at Ayano, she raises her knife in defense, but the siccors knock the knife right out of her hand, with a suprised look, she makes a mad dash out the doors and picks up a bat from the conveinent weapons pile in the front of the school, she hears Postal Dude Postal Dude: Oh, your going Scout on me, fine i got one of those too, only, mine's WAAAAY more badass Postal Dude pulls out the M@D Bseball Bat and smirks Postal Dude: Bring it on Ayano rushs at her opponent and violently swings her bat and strikes postal dude in the chest, postal dude stumbles and grunts Postal Dude: That does it, time to get old school, im talking feudal japan old Postal Dude draws his katana and slashes at ayanos chest, blood begins flowing out of the gash, she clutches it and activates her cyborg ninja easter egg, picks up her cyber sword and slashes at postal dude, but the slashes miss entirely and he's behind her in the blink of an eye Postal Dude: Try to keep up. Ayano continues to swing her blade at The Dude, but he dodges each one using the slomo cheat code, when Postal Dude gets sick of dodging, he equips his knuckle dusters and throws a right hook, Ayano's viser flies right off her face, then delivers a hard kick to her gut, and a powerful left jab, sending her into a wall Ayano: you can't..... i won't.....let you.......GET AWAY WITH KILLING MY SENPAI!!!!! She caughs up some blood and picks up a conveinent katana off the ground, and runs at Postal Dude Postal Dude: A yandere till' the end, enthesis on "end" he draws his own katana, their swords lock, but Postal Dude easily overpowers her and pushes her back, ayano stops and swings her blade at postal dude's neck, postal dude jumps to dodge, but ayano successfuly cuts him across the stomache, he backs up, and eats a pizza, the gash closes up and heals, then he smokes a pipe The Dude: i shouldn't be smoking this, but i feel great Ayano impales The Dude through the chest, He shoots her an anoyed look, head-butts her, and tears the sword out of his chest, he heals after eating a doughnut Postal Dude: lets end this Postal Dude draws his machete and throws it at her like a boomerange, she tries to dodge, but it slices her left arm right off, she clutches stump to stop the bleeding Ayano: who are you? Postal Dude: I'm ashton kutcher, and you're about to get PUNK'D Ayano activated her one punch easter egg and throws a powerful punch, but postal dude didn't even flinch, when she realized this, she punched again, and again, and again Ayano: WHY punch Ayano:WONT punch Ayano:YOU punch Ayano: DIIIIIIE punch Postal Dude: God mode, bitch Postal Dude pulls out his Napalm Launcher, fires it, an explosion sends her flying about a yard, she is also on fire and screaming in pain, he pulls out his pistol and shoots her in the legs, she props her self up on a locker She's burning, She's in incredable pain, she still won't give up, then the machete comes back and cuts her at the torso, she starts bleeding out, the machete is back in The Dudes hands, he sheaths it and kneels down over her Postal Dude: Now, i know what your thinking, but i don't even like video games he pulls out his sledge hammer and bashes her skull in with one swing he walks away, and tosses a moltov over his shoulder Postal Dude: *sniff* Mmmmmmm, slow roasted goodness KO *The police show up at the scene, while Postal Dude aims his rocket launcher at the school and smirks* Results BoomStick: Oh My God Wiz: This fight might seem close on paper, but postal dude is more than a match for Ayano in a one on one fight BoomStick: Yeah, Ayano may be smarter, and more stretegic than Postal Dude, but he is so overwhelmingly superior to her, it's hard to imagine Ayano even geting him into critical conditsion Wiz: Ayano may be srong enough to easily cary a teenager all over her school campus, but that is about 150 to 200 pounds at most, Postal Dude can break several peoples necks with his fists, and with little-no effort, wich requires ~1,250 pounds of force BARE MINIMUM BoomStick: Since Ayano is a teenager she can run at 15mph, average speed for a human, but for the sake of argument, lets say she's twice the speed of a human, putting her at 30mph, but thats nothing compared to postal dude dodging, and even out running bullets, witch makes him atleast twice the speed of sound Wiz: And while Ayano gets easily taken down by teachers and students who are trained in formal combat, postal dude takes down terrorists and cops every day BoomStick: When push comes to shove, this is basicaly Micheal Myers vs Jason Voorhees, Myers may be sneakier and smarter, but his kills come from stalking for hours, even days, like Ayano Aishi, Wiz: Meanwhile, Jason is a brutal fighter, and everyone who tried to confront him dies, like The Postal Dude, now whitch one sounds like it'll help in a deathbattle, with no prep time or ouside help, that said, BoomStick: Ayano also receives help with her kills, from info-chan, Again with the uncreative names Wiz: Don't interupt me. Postal Dude Does almost everything on his own, and his calm and laid back personality will alow him to keep calm and make rashional combat decitions, meanwhile ayano will get crazier and crazier as the fight goes on, postal dude may have his own weaknesses, but there's only one that she can exploit without collecting DATA on him BoomStick: That weakness being that Postal Dude isn't invincable, but his insane pain tolerence, durability, healing items, and healing factor, she can't realy do any lasting damage to him Wiz: And lets not forget Postal Dude's insane arsenal, his is vastly larger and much more dangerous, c'mon, a gun vs a knife, if you can't understand that, well i can't help you BoomStick: But, wiz, what about Ayano's easter eggs? Wiz: Her easter eggs may be powerful and unpredictable, but they are countered by Postal Dudes cheat codes and natural endurance, if the toxic cow head doesn't effect Postal Dude, then her ebola easter egg won't either BoomStick: And his slomo cheat would alow him to dodge and out run even her fastest forms, and his God mode renders her falcon and one punch modes worthless Wiz: Over all, Postal Dudes Superior physical stats, calm personality, weaponry, and abilities were too much for everyones favorite video game Yandere to handle BoomStick: I guess you could say, Yandere-Chan was RIVALED and outCLASSED, get it? she always has rivals, and she's a highschool student Wiz: *FacePalms* the winner is The Postal Dude Postal Dude: I regret nothing Next time on deathbattle: Deathstroke vs Tiger Claw And if you wannna see me do any other fights, just ask politly Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:'Battle of the Genders' themed Death Battles Category:Knife vs Gun themed fights Category:Teenager vs Adult themed Death Battles Category:Sword VS Gun themed fights Category:1298god Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2018 Category:'Video Games' themed Death Battles